The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

I want to tell you a very old story about the man who didn’t believe in love. This was an ordinary man just like you and me, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He thought love doesn’t exist. Of course, he had a lot of experience trying to find love, and he had observed the people around him. Much of his life had been spent searching for love, only to find that love didn’t exist.

Wherever this man went, he used to tell people that love is nothing but an invention of the poets, an invention of religions just to manipulate the weak mind of humans, to have control over humans, to make them believe. He said that love is not real, and that’s why no human could ever find love even though he might look for it.

This man was highly intelligent, and he was very convincing. He read a lot of books, he went to the best universities, and he became a respected scholar. He could stand in any public place, in front of any kind of people, and his logic was very strong. What he said was that love is just like a drug; it makes you very high, but it creates a strong need. You can become highly addicted to love, but what happens when you don’t receive your daily doses of love? Just like a drug, you need your everyday doses.

He used to say that most relationships between lovers are just like a relationship between a drug addict and the one who provides the drugs. The one who has the biggest need is like the drug addict; the one who has a little need is like the provider. The one who has the little need is the one who controls the whole relationship. You can see this dynamic so clearly because usually in every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other who doesn’t love, who only takes advantage of the one who gives his or her heart. You can see the way they manipulate each other, their actions and reactions, and they are just like the provider and the drug addict.

The drug addict, the one who has the biggest need, lives in constant fear that perhaps he will not be able to get the next dosage of love, or the drug. The drug addict thinks, “What am I going to do if she leaves me?” That fear makes the drug addict very possessive. “That’s mine!” The addict becomes jealous and demanding, because the fear of not having the next dosage. The provider can control and manipulate the one who needs the drug by giving more doses, fewer doses, or no doses at all. The one who has the biggest need completely surrenders and will do whatever he can to avoid being abandoned.

The man went on explaining to everyone why love doesn’t exist. “What humans call ‘love’ is nothing but a fear relationship based on control. Where is the respect? Where is the love they claim to have? There is no love. Young couples, in front of the representation of God, in front of their family and friends, make a lot of promises to each other: to live together forever, to love and respect each other, to be there for each other, through the good times and the bad times. They promise to love and honor each other, and make promises and more promises. But after the marriage – one week later, a month later, a few months later – you can see that none of these promises are kept.

“What you find is a war of control to see who will manipulate whom. Who will be the provider, and who will have the addiction? You find that a few months later, the respect they swear to have for each other is gone. You can see the resentment, the emotional poison, how they hurt each other, little by little, and it grows and grows, until they don’t know when the love stops. They stay together because they are afraid to be alone, afraid of the opinions and judgments of others, and also afraid of their own judgments and opinions. But where is the love?”

He used to claim that he saw many old couples that had lived together thirty years, forty years, fifty years, and they were so proud to have lived together all those years. But when they talked about their relationship, what they said was, “We survived the matrimony.” That means one of them surrendered to the other; at a certain time, she gave up and decided to endure the suffering. The one with the strongest will and less need won the war, but where is that flame they call love? They treat each other like a possession: “She is mine.” “He is mine.”

The man went on and on about all the reasons why he believed love doesn’t exist, and he told others, “I have done all that already. I will no longer allow anyone to manipulate my mind and control my life in the name of love.” His arguments were quite logical, and he convinced many people by all his words. Love doesn’t exist.

Then one day this man was walking in a park, and there on a bench was a beautiful lady who was crying. When he saw her crying, he felt curiosity. Sitting beside her, he asked if he could help her. He asked why she was crying. You can imagine his surprise when she told him she was crying because love doesn’t exist. He said, “This is amazing – a woman who believes that love doesn’t exist!” Of course, he wanted to know more about her.

“Why do you say that love doesn’t exist?” he asked.

“Well, it’s a long story,” she replied. “I married when I was very young, with all the love, all these illusions, full of hope that I would share my life with this man. We swore to each other our loyalty, respect, and honor, and we created a family. But soon everything changed. I was the devoted wife who took care of the children and home. My husband continued to develop his career, and his success and image outside of home was more important to him than our family. He lost respect for me, and I lost respect for him. We hurt each other, and at a certain point I discovered that I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me either.

“But the children needed a father, and that was my excuse to stay and to do whatever I could to support him. Now the children are grown and they have left. I no longer have any excuse to stay with him. There’s no respect, there’s no kindness. I know that even if I find someone else, it’s going to be the same, because love doesn’t exist. There is no sense to look around for something that doesn’t exist. That is why I am crying.”

Understanding her very well, he embraced her and said, “You are right; love doesn’t exist. We look for love, we open our heart and we become vulnerable, just to find selfishness. That hurts us even if we don’t think we will be hurt. It doesn’t matter how many relationships we have; the same thing happens again and again. Why even search for love any longer?”

They were so much alike, and they became the best friends ever. It was a wonderful relationship. They respected each other, and they never put each other down. With every step they took together, they were happy. There was no envy or jealousy, there was no control, there was no possessiveness. The relationship kept growing and growing. They loved to be together, because when they were together they had a lot of fun. When they were not together, they missed each other.

One day when the man was out of town, he had the weirdest idea. He was thinking, “Hmm, maybe what I feel for her is love. But this is so different from what I have ever felt before. It’s not what the poets say it is, it’s not what religion says, because I am not responsible for her. I don’t take anything from her; I don’t have the need for her to take care of me; I don’t need to blame her for my difficulties or to take my dramas to her. We have the best time together; we enjoy each other. I respect the way she thinks, the way she feels. She doesn’t embarrass me; she doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t feel jealous when she’s with other people; I don’t feel envy when she is successful. Perhaps love does exist, but it’s not what everyone thinks love is.”

He could hardly wait to go back home and talk to her, to let her know about his weird idea. As soon as he started talking, she said, “I know exactly what you are talking about. I had the same idea long ago, but I didn’t want to share it with you because I know you don’t believe in love. Perhaps love does exist, but it isn’t what we thought it was.” They decided to become lovers and to live together, and it was amazing that things didn’t change. They still respected each other, they were still supportive of each other, and the love grew more and more. Even the simplest things made their hearts sing with love because they were so happy.

The man’s heart was so full with all the love he felt that one night a great miracle happened. He was looking at the stars and he found the most beautiful one, and his love was so big that the start started coming down from the sky and soon that star was in his hands. Then a second miracle happened, and his soul merged with that star. He was intensely happy, and he could hardly wait to go to the woman and put that star in her hands to prove his love to her. As soon as he put the star in her hands, she felt a moment of doubt. This love was overwhelming, and in that moment, the star fell from her hands and broke in a million little pieces.

Now there is an old man walking around the world swearing that love doesn’t exist.

And there is a beautiful old woman at home waiting for a man, shedding a tear for a paradise that once she had in her hands, but for one moment of doubt, she let it go. This is the story about the man who didn’t believe in love.

* * *

Who made the mistake? Do you want to guess what went wrong? The mistake was on the man’s part in thinking he could give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness, and his mistake was to put his happiness in her hands. Happiness never comes from outside of us. He was happy because of the love coming out of him; she was happy because of the love coming out of her. But as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness, she broke the star because she could not be responsible for his happiness.

No matter how much the woman loved him, she could never make him happy because she could never know what he had in his mind. She could never know what his expectations were, because she could not know his dreams.

If you take your happiness and put it in someone’s hands, sooner or later, she is going to break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, she can always take it away. Then if happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your happiness. We can never make anyone responsible for our own happiness, but when we go to the church to get married, the first thing we do is exchange rings. We put our star in each other’s hands, expecting that she is going to make you happy, and you are going to make her happy. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be.

That is the mistake most of us make right from the beginning. We base our happiness on our partner, and it doesn’t work that way. We make all those promises that we cannot keep, and we set ourselves up to fail.

[by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love, Chapter 3]

Nobel Lecture by Mother Teresa (Humanitarian/Nobel Peace Prize, 1979)

December 11, 1979 at Oslo City Hall, Oslo, Norway

As we have gathered here together to thank God for the Nobel Peace Prize I think it will be beautiful that we pray the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi which always surprises me very much–we pray this prayer every day after Holy Communion, because it is very fitting for each one of us, and I always wonder that 4-500 years ago as St. Francis of Assisi composed this prayer that they had the same difficulties that we have today, as we compose this prayer that fits very nicely for us also. I think some of you already have got it–so we will pray together.

Let us thank God for the opportunity that we all have together today, for this gift of peace that reminds us that we have been created to live that peace, and Jesus became man to bring that good news to the poor. He being God became man in all things like us except sin, and he proclaimed very clearly that he had come to give the good news. The news was peace to all of good will and this is something that we all want–the peace of heart–and God loved the world so much that he gave his son–it was a giving–it is as much as if to say it hurt God to give, because he loved the world so much that he gave his son, and he gave him to Virgin Mary, and what did she do with him?

As soon as he came in her life–immediately she went in haste to give that good news, and as she came into the house of her cousin, the child–the unborn child–the child in the womb of Elizabeth, leapt with joy. He was that little unborn child, was the first messenger of peace. He recognised the Prince of Peace, he recognised that Christ has come to bring the good news for you and for me. And as if that was not enough–it was not enough to become a man–he died on the cross to show that greater love, and he died for you and for me and for that leper and for that man dying of hunger and that naked person lying in the street not only of Calcutta, but of Africa, and New York, and London, and Oslo–and insisted that we love one another as he loves each one of us. And we read that in the Gospel very clearly–love as I have loved you–as I love you–as the Father has loved me, I love you–and the harder the Father loved him, he gave him to us, and how much we love one another, we, too, must give each other until it hurts. It is not enough for us to say: I love God, but I do not love my neighbor. St. John says you are a liar if you say you love God, and you don’t love your neighbor. How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live. And so this is very important for us to realise that love, to be true, has to hurt. It hurt Jesus to love us, it hurt him. And to make sure we remember his great love he made himself the bread of life to satisfy our hunger for his love. Our hunger for God, because we have been created for that love. We have been created in his image. We have been created to love and be loved, and then he has become man to make it possible for us to love as he loved us. He makes himself the hungry one–the naked one–the homeless one–the sick one–the one in prison–the lonely one–the unwanted one–and he says: You did it to me. Hungry for our love, and this is the hunger of our poor people. This is the hunger that you and I must find, it may be in our own home.

I never forget an opportunity I had in visiting a home where they had all these old parents of sons and daughters who had just put them in an institution and forgotten maybe. And I went there, and I saw in that home they had everything, beautiful things, but everybody was looking towards the door. And I did not see a single one with their smile on their face. And I turned to the Sister and I asked: How is that? How is it that the people they have everything here, why are they all looking towards the door, why are they not smiling? I am so used to see the smile on our people, even the dying one smile,and she said: This is nearly every day, they are expecting, they are hoping that a son or daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt because they are forgotten, and see–this is where love comes. That poverty comes right there in our own home, even neglect of love. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried, and these are difficult days for everybody. Are we there, are we there to receive them, is the mother there to receive the child?

I was surprised in the West to see so many young boys and girls given into drugs, and I tried to find out why–why it is like that, and the answer was: Because there is no one in the family to receive them. Father and mother are so busy they have no time. Young parents are in some institution and the child takes back to the street and gets involved in something. We are talking of peace. These are things that break peace, but I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a direct war, a direct killing–direct murder by the mother herself. And we read in the Scripture, for God says very clearly: Even if a mother could forget her child–I will not forget you–I have carved you in the palm of my hand. We are carved in the palm of His hand, so close to Him that unborn child has been carved in the hand of God. And that is what strikes me most, the beginning of that sentence, that even if a mother could forget something impossible–but even if she could forget–I will not forget you. And today the greatest means–the greatest destroyer of peace is abortion. And we who are standing here–our parents wanted us. We would not be here if our parents would do that to us. Our children, we want them, we love them, but what of the millions. Many people are very, very concerned with the children in India, with the children in Africa where quite a number die, maybe of malnutrition, of hunger and so on, but millions are dying deliberately by the will of the mother. And this is what is the greatest destroyer of peace today. Because if a mother can kill her own child–what is left for me to kill you and you kill me–there is nothing between. And this I appeal in India, I appeal everywhere: Let us bring the child back, and this year being the child’s year: What have we done for the child? At the beginning of the year I told, I spoke everywhere and I said: Let us make this year that we make every single child born, and unborn, wanted. And today is the end of the year, have we really made the children wanted? I will give you something terrifying. We are fighting abortion by adoption, we have saved thousands of lives, we have sent words to all the clinics, to the hospitals, police stations–please don’t destroy the child, we will take the child. So every hour of the day and night it is always somebody, we have quite a number of unwedded mothers–tell them come, we will take care of you, we will take the child from you, and we will get a home for the child. And we have a tremendous demand from families who have no children, that is the blessing of God for us. And also, we are doing another thing which is very beautiful–we are teaching our beggars, our leprosy patients, our slum dwellers, our people of the street, natural family planning.

And in Calcutta alone in six years–it is all in Calcutta–we have had 61,273 babies less from the families who would have had, but because they practise this natural way of abstaining, of self-control, out of love for each other. We teach them the temperature meter which is very beautiful, very simple, and our poor people understand. And you know what they have told me? Our family is healthy, our family is united, and we can have a baby whenever we want. So clear–those people in the street, those beggars–and I think that if our people can do like that how much more you and all the others who can know the ways and means without destroying the life that God has created in us.

The poor people are very great people. They can teach us so many beautiful things. The other day one of them came to thank and said: You people who have vowed chastity you are the best people to teach us family planning. Because it is nothing more than self-control out of love for each other. And I think they said a beautiful sentence. And these are people who maybe have nothing to eat, maybe they have not a home where to live, but they are great people. The poor are very wonderful people. One evening we went out and we picked up four people from the street. And one of them was in a most terrible condition–and I told the Sisters: You take care of the other three, I take of this one that looked worse. So I did for her all that my love can do. I put her in bed, and there was such a beautiful smile on her face. She took hold of my hand, as she said one word only: Thank you–and she died.

I could not help but examine my conscience before her, and I asked what would I say if I was in her place. And my answer was very simple. I would have tried to draw a little attention to myself, I would have said I am hungry, that I am dying, I am cold, I am in pain, or something, but she gave me much more–she gave me her grateful love. And she died with a smile on her face. As that man whom we picked up from the drain, half eaten with worms, and we brought him to the home. I have lived like an animal in the street, but I am going to die like an angel, loved and cared for. And it was so wonderful to see the greatness of that man who could speak like that, who could die like that without blaming anybody, without cursing anybody, without comparing anything. Like an angel–this is the greatness of our people. And that is why we believe what Jesus had said: I was hungry–I was naked–I was homeless–I was unwanted, unloved, uncared for–and you did it to me.

I believe that we are not real social workers. We may be doing social work in the eyes of the people, but we are really contemplatives in the heart of the world. For we are touching the Body Of Christ 24 hours. We have 24 hours in this presence, and so you and I. You too try to bring that presence of God in your family, for the family that prays together stays together. And I think that we in our family don’t need bombs and guns, to destroy to bring peace–just get together, love one another, bring that peace, that joy, that strength of presence of each other in the home. And we will be able to overcome all the evil that is in the world.

There is so much suffering, so much hatred, so much misery, and we with our prayer, with our sacrifice are beginning at home. Love begins at home,and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the action that we do. It is to God Almighty–how much we do it does not matter, because He is infinite, but how much love we put in that action. How much we do to Him in the person that we are serving.

Some time ago in Calcutta we had great difficulty in getting sugar, and I don’t know how the word got around to the children, and a little boy of four years old, Hindu boy, went home and told his parents: I will not eat sugar for three days, I will give my sugar to Mother Teresa for her children. After three days his father and mother brought him to our home. I had never met them before, and this little one could scarcely pronounce my name, but he knew exactly what he had come to do. He knew that he wanted to share his love.

And that is why I have received such a lot of love from you all. From the time that I have come here I have simply been surrounded with love, and with real, real understanding love. It could feel as if everyone in India, everyone in Africa is somebody very special to you. And I felt quite at home I was telling Sister today. I feel in the Convent with the Sisters as if I am in Calcutta with my own Sisters. So completely at home here, right here.

And so here I am talking with you–I want you to find the poor here, right in your own home first. And begin love there. Be that good news to your own people. And find out about your next-door-neighbor–do you know who they are? I had the most extraordinary experience with a Hindu family who had eight children. A gentleman came to our house and said: Mother Teresa, there is a family with eight children, they had not eaten for so long–do something. So I took some rice and I went there immediately. And I saw the children–their eyes shining with hunger–I don’t know if you have ever seen hunger. But I have seen it very often. And she took the rice, she divided the rice, and she went out. When she came back I asked her–where did you go, what did you do? And she gave me a very simple answer: They are hungry also. What struck me most was that she knew–and who are they, a Muslim family–and she knew. I didn’t bring more rice that evening because I wanted them to enjoy the joy of sharing. But there were those children, radiating joy, sharing the joy with their mother because she had the love to give. And you see this is where love begins–at home. And I want you–and I am very grateful for what I have received. It has been a tremendous experience and I go back to India–I will be back by next week, the 15th I hope–and I will be able to bring your love.

And I know well that you have not given from your abundance, but you have given until it has hurt you. Today the little children they have–I was so surprised–there is so much joy for the children that are hungry. That the children like themselves will need love and care and tenderness, like they get so much from their parents. So let us thank God that we have had this opportunity to come to know each other, and this knowledge of each other has brought us very close. And we will be able to help not only the children of India and Africa, but will be able to help the children of the whole world, because as you know our Sisters are all over the world. And with this prize that I have received as a prize of peace, I am going to try to make the home for many people that have no home. Because I believe that love begins at home, and if we can create a home for the poor–I think that more and more love will spread. And we will be able through this understanding love to bring peace, be good news to the poor. The poor in our own family first, in our country and in the world.

To be able to do this, our Sisters, our lives have to be woven with prayer. They have to be woven with Christ to be able to understand, to be able to share. Because today there is so much suffering–and I feel that the passion of Christ is being relived all over again–are we there to share that passion, to share that suffering of people. Around the world, not only in the poor countries, but I found the poverty of the West so much more difficult to remove. When I pick up a person from the street, hungry, I give him a plate of rice, a piece of bread, I have satisfied. I have removed that hunger. But a person that is shut out, that feels unwanted, unloved, terrified, the person that has been thrown out from society–that poverty is so hurtable and so much, and I find that very difficult. Our Sisters are working amongst that kind of people in the West. So you must pray for us that we may be able to be that good news, but we cannot do that without you, you have to do that here in your country. You must come to know the poor, maybe our people here have material things, everything, but I think that if we all look into our own homes, how difficult we find it sometimes to smile at each other, and that the smile is the beginning of love.

And so let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love, and once we begin to love each other naturally we want to do something. So you pray for our Sisters and for me and for our Brothers, and for our Co-Workers that are around the world. That we may remain faithful to the gift of God, to love Him and serve Him in the poor together with you. What we have done we should not have been able to do if you did not share with your prayers, with your gifts,this continual giving. But I don’t want you to give me from your abundance, I want that you give me until it hurts.

The other day I received 15 dollars from a man who has been on his back for twenty years, and the only part that he can move is his right hand. And the only companion that he enjoys is smoking. And he said to me: I do not smoke for one week, and I send you this money. It must have been a terrible sacrifice for him, but see how beautiful, how he shared, and with that money I bought bread and I gave to those who are hungry with a joy on both sides, he was giving and the poor were receiving. This is something that you and I–it is a gift of God to us to be able to share our love with others. And let it be as it was for Jesus. Let us love one another as he loved us. Let us love Him with undivided love. And the joy of loving Him and each other–let us give now–that Christmas is coming so close. Let us keep that joy of loving Jesus in our hearts. And share that joy with all that we come in touch with. And that radiating joy is real, for we have no reason not to be happy because we have no Christ with us. Christ in our hearts, Christ in the poor that we meet, Christ in the smile that we give and the smile that we receive. Let us make that one point: That no child will be unwanted, and also that we meet each other always with a smile, especially when it is difficult to smile.

I never forget some time ago about fourteen professors came from the United States from different universities. And they came to Calcutta to our house. Then we were talking about that they had been to the home for the dying. We have a home for the dying in Calcutta, where we have picked up more than 36,000 people only from the streets of Calcutta, and out of that big number more than 18,000 have died a beautiful death. They have just gone home to God; and they came to our house and we talked of love, of compassion, and then one of them asked me: Say, Mother, please tell us something that we will remember, and I said to them: Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family. Smile at each other. And then another one asked me: Are you married, and I said: Yes, and I find it sometimes very difficult to smile at Jesus because he can be very demanding sometimes. This is really something true, and there is where love comes–when it is demanding, and yet we can give it to Him with joy. Just as I have said today, I have said that if I don’t go to Heaven for anything else I will be going to Heaven for all the publicity because it has purified me and sacrificed me and made me really ready to go to Heaven. I think that this is something, that we must live life beautifully, we have Jesus with us and He loves us. If we could only remember that God loves me, and I have an opportunity to love others as he loves me, not in big things, but in small things with great love, then Norway becomes a nest of love. And how beautiful it will be that from here a centre for peace has been given. That from here the joy of life of the unborn child comes out. If you become a burning light in the world of peace, then really the Nobel Peace Prize is a gift of the Norwegian people. God bless you!

ENDNOTE

Apparently Mother Teresa had planned to begin her Nobel lecture on the following day with this prayer, as is indicated in her prepared text, which is what was submitted for publication in Les Prix Nobel and is printed below. In the newspaper reports of the ceremonies, however, it is clear that she included the prayer in her acceptance speech on 10 December and did not refer to it in her lecture the next day.

The text which Mother Teresa used of the prayer which is attributed to St. Francis has been kindly provided by the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta. It reads as follows:

Lord, make a channel of Thy peace that, where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that, where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that, where there is error, I may bring truth; that, where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that, where there is despair, I may bring hope; that, where there are shadows, I may bring light; that, where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood; to love than to be loved; for it is by forgetting self that one finds; it is forgiving that one is forgiven; it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

From Nobel Lectures, Peace 1971-1980, Editor-in-Charge: Tore Frängsmyr, Editor: Irwin Abrams, World Scientific Publishing Co., Singapore, 1997

http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1979/teresa-lecture.html

The Sacrament of Waiting by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of deering-do go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery – a natural sacrament of life – there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control.) We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one – or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come – or autumn – for the rains to begin and stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.

We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up – to reach the stage where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living – the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives.

Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait “grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s greatest beer ads get it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life is short – eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom- pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs – they warn against attachments and commitments – against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us – against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure – but even that is fleeting and doubtful – what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure – “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it – how muchwaiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so desperately want and need? Why must we wait – two years, three years – and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit – the seed to flower – carbon to change to diamond.

There is no simple answer – no more than there is to life’s other demands -having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives – having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path – good-byes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth – the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting – of being present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other – until they can see things the same way or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.

There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait – in silence but still present to each other – until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through life – when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature – isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery – that waiting is part of the substance – the basic fabric against which the story of that true love is written.

How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to wait for it?

O Magnum Mysterium (Morten Lauridsen)

The perfect Christmas (choral) song. Also, one of the reasons why I sometimes cry over spilled milk. Not literally though, hehe. 😛

Latin Text:

O magnum mysterium
et admirabile sacramentum,
ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,
jacentem in præsepio.

Beata virgo, cujus viscera meruerunt
portare Dominum Christum. Alleluia!

English Translation:

Oh great mystery
and wondrous sacrament,
that animals should see the newborn Lord
lying in their manger.

Blessed is the Virgin whose womb was worthy
to bear the Lord Jesus Christ. Alleluia!

UST Alumni Singers, Allan Diona Sims director, Hollywood Choir Festival 2006, Hollywood UMC across from the Kodak Theater.

Hello Faith ^^,

October 12, 2009
23:01 GMT+8

Hello Faith. ^^,

First of all, huwag mo akong sendan ng e-mail dun sa dating e-mail account ko ’cause I barely visit that account anymore. You can reach me thru my two most recent Yahoo IDs, either through YM or e-mail. 🙂

Actually, medyo mga ilang araw na rin akong naghihintay ng tawag mula sa United States, kaya lang hindi ka pa tumatawag eh, haha. Huwag mo namang sabihing nang-indian ka, we’re just half a world away (sarcasm, lol). 😛

So far not so good rin kami dito. Luzon is under a state of calamity dahil binayo kami ng dalawang big-time na bagyo, sila Ondoy at Pepeng. First time na bahain ang bahay namin dito sa Paranaque, kinailangan pa naming iakyat lahat ng gamit sa 2nd floor. Bale binuhat ko yung ref namin, yung tv, yung washing machine, mga speakers ni papa, yung subwoofer niyang malaki, yung LPG namin, yung sala set namin, at kung anu-ano pa (astig diba). Mga 4 inches rin ang taas ng baha (mga hanggang bewang siguro sa labas) na pumasok sa bahay namin, pero grabe pa rin yung experience na yun, hehe. Tumulong rin ako sa mga nasalanta ng baha at enjoy naman kahit nakakapagod, pero hindi rin ganoong ka-extensive yung naging tulong ko dahil medyo masama rin ang pakiramdam ko nung mga panahon na yun. Sino ba’ng hindi? Hehe. 🙂

Kamusta naman kayo diyan? Sabi ko sa’yo Faith perfect kang maging domestic helper at dapat matuwa dahil ang ibig sabihin nun maalagain ka at mahilig (at magaling, of course) magwalis-walis, haha. At congrats nga pala sa’yo dahil magaling ka na magluto. Siguro mga five-star meals na ang nailuluto mo diyan katulad ng hotdog, tapsilog at cereal, haha joke. Pero sige aamin na ako magaling kang mag-bake (hindi magluto, hindi pa ako nakakatikim ng mga luto mo). Nung 4th year kasi masarap naman yung mga nagagawa niyong mga girls mga kakanin. Pasensya na dahil nilalamon na naming mga boys kaya wala tayong benta palagi. Hehe, Moseley memories. 😀

At tsaka Faith, hindi ko alam na mahilig ka pala sa mature ah at Vietnamese pa, lol. Astig kaya yun, 14 years ang age gap ninyo, pang-valentines ang dating, haha. Talo ka pa ni Hope, Faith. Pero sa totoo lang, huwag na huwag kang makikipagrelasyon diyan ah, dapat dito pa ka pa rin makakahanap. Ayun ay kung makakabalik ka pa dito, bwahaha.

Good luck rin nga pala sa NCLEX mo diyan ah. I’m sure sisiw lang sa’yo yun. Ikaw pa, eh ansipag-sipag mo kaya Faith. 🙄 Saka kumuha ka na rin ng driver’s license diyan para kapag bumisita ako diyan (give me 5 years siguro, hehe), ito-tour mo ako diyan sa inyo. Tapos pwede mo na rin akong ipagluto at kung anu-ano pa. 😛

Nako miss mo na si Clem ano? Nakuwento mo na kaya sakin yan… Kahit na palagi ka niyang pinapaalis sa sala ninyo kapag nagkukwentuhan tayo sa telepono at palagi kang pinapalusutan (hindi naman mababasa ni Clem ‘to ano? :D), syempre nami-miss ka talaga nun. Ikaw rin may kasalanan, palagi kasing ikaw ang lumalamon ng mga bigay sa kanya ng girlfriend niya eh, hehe. 😛

Oi Faith napakaswerte mo naman at palagi mo kaming napapaginipan, siguro palaging masarap ang tulog mo, hahaha. At kung tila bay nakikita mo kami diyan sa California, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun, may international appeal pa kami, bwahaha. At tsaka bakit wala kang kaibigan diyan? Hindi ako naniniwala sa’yo Faith, napakadaldal mo kaya, haha. At talagang high-level na ang English mo diyan ah. 😀

Faith huwag kang malulungkot diyan kasi kasama mo naman ang family mo diyan (susunod rin naman si Clem) at andito naman kami para maka-chat mo sa YM kung nago-online ka man lang sana, hehe. Automatic rin naman akong nandiyan para sa’yo kahit anong oras. Karen even asked me kung what time ako pwede para raw pwede tayong makapag-usap sa Yahoo conference at ang sinagot ko sa kanya ay anytime pwede ako, kahit anong oras pa man yan, basta nasa bahay ako. Ipaayos mo na yang roaming mo para matext mo naman ako (sorry demanding haha). I’m sure mag-e-enjoy ka diyan, hindi mo pa lang masyadong na-fe-feel kasi medyo naho-homesick ka pa siguro, pero syempre mawawala rin yun kasi kasama mo naman ang family mo diyan at tsaka marami ring pinoy diyan, shy-type ka pa lang siguro kaya ganun (ganun ka naman palagi sa simula), hehe. 😉

Palagi mo kaming balitaan kung kamusta ka na diyan para kahit gaano pa man ka-boring ang kalagayan mo diyan, although hindi ako naniniwala sa’yo, nasa bum stage ka pa kasi ngayon kaya marami kang oras para magmuni-muni. Balitaan mo ako kapag nagkatrabaho ka na, kapag nagka-boyfriend ka na, kapag mature ka na (haha joke :mrgreen:), kapag hindi na nila iniisip na mukhang high school graduate (hindi dahil sa “young-looking” ka kung hindi dahil pandak ka Faith bwahaha), kapag nag-e-enjoy ka na diyan sa choir na sinalihan mo (although pinapangarap ko talaga dati na sana magkakasama tayo nina Father, Rafa at Roa sa isang chamber or bigating church choir kapag nagtatrabaho na tayong lahat, oh well :P), at kung anu-ano pa. 🙂

Pasensya na wala akong Facebook, Faith. 😦 At oo hindi ko rin inakalang magaling si Christian sa Math, bwahaha. Joke lang, magaling yun. At tsaka dapat matuwa si Rendel dahil walang kupas pa rin ang version natin ng Best I Ever Had, kabisado mo pa rin ang blending, at astig pa ring mag-gitara si Mamel. 😀

Sana natuwa si Hope sa binili mong gitara para sa kanya, kami kasi ni Mamel ang nagbuhat niyan eh kasama pa yung mga pinabili ng Tatay mo, haha. Sige kapag hindi na ako busy i-pu-pursue ko uli ang pag-gi-gitara. 🙂

Ingat kayo diyan Faith. Things are always bound to change, pero sana yung ibang aspects ng pagkatao mo na ikinatutuwa ko talaga sa’yo ay hindi mawala. Naghahanap na ako ng bagong makakatelebabad na tinutulugan ako pero wala talaga eh, ikaw lang talaga ang may lakas ng loob na tulugan ako lalo na kapag may kinukwento ako sa’yong mahalaga, haha.

Basahin mo yung previous entry ko. I dedicate that quote to you. I really miss you Faith. Ingat kayo diyan. 🙂

Hello Faith. ^^,

October 13, 2009
00:12 GMT+8

Welcome Back!

Yey, nakakapag-update na uli ako ng blog! Hehehe. 😀

Sobrang astig ng 10th Anniversary Special ni SpongeBob SquarePants sa Nickelodeon! Astig yung mga bagong episodes! Hehe, nakakatuwa talaga. Paborito ko talaga sa mga anime at cartoon characters yung malalaki ang mata, kaya paboritong-paborito ko sila Gon Freecss (ng Hunter X Hunter) at SpongeBob SquarePants (syempre! Hehehe). Kaya lang medyo na-interrupt yung panonood ko dahil manonood ang tatay ko ng Tayong Dalawa. Akalain mo yun… Hahaha. 😛

Pwede ko nang i-share itong SpongeBob Mosaic na ginawa ng kapatid ko. Mga ilang buwan ko na rin itong wallpaper, hehehe. 🙂

Bibisita na sila Tita Wena dito sa Pilipinas simula ngayong gabi hanggang next month. Mukhang magiging busy ako ng weekends dahil gagala kami ng madalas (yey!). Susunduin namin sila sa airport ng 10:30 PM, kaya kailangan ko nang tapusin itong entry na ‘to.

Excited na ko! Hehehe. ^^,

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann (1927)

Sobrang sama na talaga ng pakiramdam ko. Hindi lang ako stressed out physically, kundi pati na rin academically, socially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, at lahat pa ng salitang nagtatapos sa -lly. T_T

Reblogged this from Rafa, without her permission. Anyway, all credit goes to Mr. Max Ehrmann.

I am currently in the pursuit of happyness. But the question is, what makes me happy? Hindi ko rin alam, hehe.

Ah, nakakatuwa nga pala yung mga naglalaro sa mga Spelling Bee. Astig.

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Desiderata
Max Ehrmann (1927)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

INTP

I’m an INTP person. Who would have thought? Haha. 😛

Want to know your personality type as well? Take the test. Click me! 😀

Parang nag-aadvertise lang. Hehe. 🙂

My personality type description below. Of course, courtesy of Wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/intp

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INTP

INTP (Introversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Perception) is an abbreviation used in Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to refer to one of the sixteen personality types. The MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl G. Jung in his book Psychological Types, which proposed a psychological typology based on his theories of cognitive functions. These theories were based on clinical observation, however, rather than the controlled studies required for acceptance by the modern field of cognitive psychology.

From Jung’s work, others developed psychological typologies. Well-known personality tests are the MBTI assessment, developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs, and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, developed by David Keirsey. Keirsey referred to INTPs as Architects, one of the four types belonging to the temperament he called the Rationals. One of the rarest personality types, INTPs are estimated to account for about 1–5% of the population.

The MBTI Instrument

The MBTI preferences indicate the differences in people based on the following:

*How they focus their attention or get their energy (Extraversion or Introversion)
*How they perceive or take in information (Sensing or iNtuition)
*How they prefer to make decisions (Thinking or Feeling)
*How they orient themselves to the external world (Judgment or Perception)

By using their preference in each of these areas, people develop what Jung and Myers called psychological type. This underlying personality pattern results from the dynamic interaction of their four preferences, in conjunction with environmental influences and their own individual tendencies. People are likely to develop behaviors, skills, and attitudes based on their particular type. Each personality type has its own potential strengths as well as areas that offer opportunities for growth.

The MBTI tool consists of multiple choice questions that sort respondents on the basis of the four “dichotomies” (pairs of psychological opposites). Sixteen different outcomes are possible, each identified by its own four-letter code, referred to by initial letters. (N is used for iNtuition, to differentiate it from Introversion). The MBTI is approximately 75% accurate according to its own manual.

*I – Introversion preferred to Extraversion: INTPs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).

*N – iNtuition preferred to Sensing: INTPs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.

*T – Thinking preferred to Feeling: INTPs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions, they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.

*P – Perception preferred to Judgment: INTPs tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to “keep their options open” should circumstances change.

Type Description

INTP types are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who enjoy spending long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They are curious about systems and how things work. Consequently, they are frequently found in careers such as science, architecture, and law. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations or in the “caring professions,” although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, the rigid hierarchies, and the politics prevalent in many professions. They prefer to work informally with others as equals.

INTPs organize their understanding of any topic by articulating principles, and they are especially drawn to theoretical constructs. Having articulated these principles for themselves, they can demonstrate remarkable skill in explaining complex ideas to others in simple terms, especially in writing. On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of “simple” ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they are. To the INTP, however, this is incomprehensible: They are merely presenting all the information.

Given their independent nature, INTPs may prefer working alone to leading or following in a group. During interactions with others, if INTPs are focused on gathering information, they may seem oblivious, aloof, or even rebellious—when in fact they are concentrating on listening and understanding. However, INTPs’ extraverted intuition often gives them a quick wit, especially with language. They may defuse tension through comical observations and references. They can be charming, even in their quiet reserve, and are sometimes surprised by the high esteem in which their friends and colleagues hold them.

When INTPs feel insulted, however, they may respond with sudden and crushing criticism. After such an incident, INTPs are likely to be as bewildered as the recipient. They have broken the rules of debate and exposed their raw emotions. To INTPs, this is the crux of the problem: emotions must be dealt with logically—because improperly handled emotions, INTPs believe, can only harm.

Cognitive Functions

Drawing upon Jungian theory, Isabel Myers proposed that for each personality type, the cognitive functions—sensing, intuition, thinking, and feeling—form a hierarchy. This hierarchy represents the person’s “default” pattern of behavior.

The Dominant function is the personality type’s preferred role, the one they feel most comfortable with. The secondary Auxiliary function serves to support and expand on the Dominant function. If the Dominant is an information gathering function (sensing or intuition), the Auxiliary is a decision making function (thinking or feeling), and vice versa. The Tertiary function is less developed than the Dominant and Auxiliary, but it matures over time, rounding out the person’s abilities. The Inferior function is the personality type’s Achilles’ heel. This is the function they are least comfortable with. Like the Tertiary, the Inferior function strengthens with maturity.

Jung and Myers considered the attitude of the Auxiliary, Tertiary, and Inferior functions to be the opposite of the Dominant. In this interpretation, if the Dominant function is extraverted, then the other three are introverted, and vice versa. However, many modern practitioners hold that the attitude of the Tertiary function is the same as the Dominant.

Using the more modern interpretation, the cognitive functions of the INTP are as follows:

Dominant: Introverted Thinking (Ti)

Ti seeks precision, such as the exact word to express an idea. It notices the minute distinctions that define the essence of things, then analyzes and classifies them. Ti examines all sides of an issue, looking to solve problems while minimizing effort and risk. It uses models to root out logical inconsistency. Ti is calm, articulate, and aware of the forces that bind reality together. As introverted Thinkers, INTPs spend the majority of their time and energy ordering the interior, logical world of principles and generalizations in an effort to understand.

Auxiliary: Extraverted iNtuition (Ne)

Ne finds and interprets hidden meanings, using “what if” questions to explore alternatives, allowing multiple possibilities to coexist. This imaginative play weaves together insights and experiences from various sources to form a new whole, which can then become a catalyst to action. Ne gives INTPs a grasp of the patterns of the world around them. They use their intuition to amalgamate empirical data into coherent pictures, from which they can derive universal principles. INTPs frequently puzzle over a problem for hours on end, until the answer suddenly crystallizes in a flash of insight.

Tertiary: Introverted Sensing (Si)

Si collects data in the present moment and compares it with past experiences, a process that sometimes evokes the feelings associated with memory, as if the subject were reliving it. Seeking to protect what is familiar, Si draws upon history to form goals and expectations about what will happen in the future. Si gives INTPs the potential for keen observation. They use this function to gather empirical data, use physical tools, perceive physical relationships, and support their internal logic with a rich sense of space.

Inferior: Extraverted Feeling (Fe)

Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior. Fe responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between the subject’s own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others. Fe drives the INTP to desire harmony in community. At their most relaxed, INTPs can be charming and outgoing among friends, or when they have a clearly defined role in the group. When under stress, however, INTPs can feel disconnected from the people around them, unable to use their extraverted Feeling to reach out to others. As their inferior function, Feeling can be a weak point; when threatened they will hide behind a wall of stoic logic. This can lead them to bottle up their emotions to preserve reason and harmony; but a failure to deal with these concealed emotions can lead to childish outbursts.

Shadow Functions

Later personality researchers (notably Linda V. Berens) added four additional functions to the descending hierarchy, the so-called “shadow” functions to which the individual is not naturally inclined but which can emerge when the person is under stress. For the INTP these shadow functions are (in order):

*Extraverted Thinking (Te): Te organizes and schedules ideas and the environment to ensure the efficient, productive pursuit of objectives. Te seeks logical explanations for actions, events, and conclusions, looking for faulty reasoning and lapses in sequence.

*Introverted Intuition (Ni): Attracted to symbolic actions or devices, Ni synthesizes seeming paradoxes to create the previously unimagined. These realizations come with a certainty that demands action to fulfill a new vision of the future, solutions that may include complex systems or universal truths.

*Extraverted Sensing (Se): Extraverted sensing focuses on the experiences and sensations of the immediate, physical world. With an acute awareness of the present surroundings, it brings relevant facts and details to the forefront and may lead to spontaneous action.

*Introverted Feeling (Fi): Fi filters information based on interpretations of worth, forming judgments according to criteria that are often intangible. Fi constantly balances an internal set of values such as harmony and authenticity. Attuned to subtle distinctions, Fi innately senses what is true and what is false in a situation.

Type Dynamics of the INTP

Type Dynamics refers to the interrelationship among the four cognitive functions in a psychological type. Far from being a simple combination of initials, the full type creates a rich interwoven system of perceiving and judging that explains much of the similarity and difference among the types.

As a practical example, consider the two types known as the introverted thinkers (ISTP and INTP). They share dominant introverted thinking, which gives them a solid interior grasp of the underlying principles of life. The ISTPs, with their preference of extraverted sensing, love understanding physical, mechanical systems. The INTPs, for their part, love understanding theoretical systems through their extraverted intuition. ISTPs are often very capable in using whatever materials are at hand in their building projects, using available tools to their full capabilities to serve their goals, through their extraverted sensing. INTPs, at the same time, are often good at using physical tools, but here they also use their intuition to solve problems.

An INTP, like their Sensing cousins, love using the right tool for the right job, but they are particularly comfortable with “virtual” tools, reflecting their love of technology.

The INTP causes no end of frustration to ESTJs and ISTJs with improvisation, as despite their best effort these types cannot make the same intuitive leaps which come naturally to the INTP. On the other hand, they are quick to smugly point out when the INTP must stop in the middle of a project to puzzle over the previously discarded instructions, which the STJs read at the start.

Adding to the STJs’ frustration, INTPs are particularly impervious to the rules-oriented world of introverted sensing. INTPs will follow rules if they feel there is a sound underlying reason, but they resist “rules for rules’ sake,” because they feel there must always be a “reason” for structure. Since they have extraverted Sensing, INTPs move smoothly through the physical world, but have very poor memory for details, the province of introverted Sensing.

Mixed Emotions

Medyo mixed emotions pa rin. For a very long time now, stuck pa rin ako sa bargaining stage. And what’s worse, feel ko nagsimula ako sa acceptance, tapos mukhang matatapos ako sa denial (pwede ba yun?). Eh nakakatawa naman kasi, I can hardly tell the difference between denial and acceptance, parang pareho lang para sa akin. Parang accepting one thing is denying another thing, and vice-versa. Overly confused @_@.

Pero eto talaga nakakalungkot.

Hahaha. I got this from the MapúaOwnage site. Favorite ko pa naman ang Jollibee. Ay Burger King na pala. Hahaha. 😛